The Hot Air Balloon
A woman was in a hot air balloon. She spotted someone below and lowered closer to the ground to get his attention. She shouted, "Hey, I don't know where I am. Can you help me?"
The man responded, "You are in a hot air balloon. You're about twenty feet above the ground, three miles East of the Mississippi River."
"You must be a Geologist," the woman replied.
"Why yes!" said the man, "How did you know?".
"Everything you have told me is true, but I do not know what to do with this information. Honestly, I am still lost. You haven't been any help at all," she explained.
"Ah, you are a Project Manager," noted the man.
"Yes, I am a Project Manager. How did you know?" she asked.
"You have no idea where you are or where you are going. You've gotten to where you are now due to a lot of hot air. And now you expect me to fix your situation. You are in the same situation now as you were before I came along, but somehow this is my fault!"
A young girl enters a pet shop to buy a cat. The pet shop worker shows her three cats that look identical.
"This cat here costs $1,000," he explains.
"Why does that cat cost so much?" the girl asks.
"This cat knows how to complete legal research," the pet shop worker explains.
The girl asks about the cat in the middle, and the pet shop owner explains that the middle cat costs $2,000 because it knows legal research and can win any case.
The girl is curious and asks about the third cat.
"That one is $5,000."
"Well, what can this cat do?" asks the girl.
"Honeslty, I have no idea. I have never even seen it do anything at all, but it says it's a Project Manager."
Three cannibals get hired at a factory.
They are welcomed to the company and told to go to the cafeteria as long as they don't bother the other workers.
The cannibals promise.
A month later the boss comes to see them and tells them all they have been doing a great job, but the janitor is missing. He asks if anyone knows anything about this.
The cannibals shake their heads no.
After the boss leaves the lead cannibal screams at them. "Who is the idiot that ate the janitor?"
One hand slowly rises.
"You idiot!" says the lead cannibal, "we have been eating the project managers so no one would notice and you go and eat the janitor!"
The body parts argue over who should be in charge.
The brain says he should be in charge because he keeps everything running.
The blood says he should be in charge because he delivers oxygen to everything else.
The stomach says he should be in charge because he provides energy.
Suddenly, the rectum speaks up and says he should be in charge because he is in charge of getting rid of waste.
They all laugh at the rectum and call him names. Frustrated, the rectum shuts down and stops working. Soon the brain is hurting, the stomach is all bloated, and the blood is full of toxins. So, they give in and let the rectum be in charge.
You do not always have to be smart to be in charge, just an ***hole.
A raven sat on the edge of a tall branch all day doing absolutely nothing.
A bunny hopping by noticed this and asked the raven if he could do nothing too.
The raven said, "Sure".
The bunny curled up under the raven and relaxed.
A wolf appeared and swallowed the bunny.
To be doing nothing all day you must be high up.